yourecrabby is my princess
Clyde is perfection
Fuck everyone else.
when you over-hear a joke in someone else’s conversation and accidentally laugh out loud
why do good concert tickets happen to bad people
hearing teachers swear keeps me young
driving is so dangerous ur literally controlling a giant metal contraption with a circle and some foot buttons
Tips on Studying
*open a book*
*read the first sentence*
*understand it very well*
*then slowly close your eyes*
three things i’ll say in awkward situations:
My parents are both pastors and once I was fucking this one dude who’s dad was the pastor of the rival church and he whispered ‘talk biblical to me’ so i started reciting Psalms 23 and we ended up getting into a competition of who could recite the most bible versus before they cummed
mom: *knocks on door*
me: just a second don’t come i—
A woman with twelve boobs walks down the street. Sounds funny, dozen tit?
If all of her boobs were made of mahagony, it would be funnier, wooden tit?